Sharpening our skills from time to time is the key to success

Anil
Hi,
Here’s an interesting story:

Once upon a time a very strong woodcutter asked for a job with a timber merchant, and he got it. His salary was really good and so were the working conditions. For that reason, the woodcutter was determined to do his best.

His boss gave him an axe and showed him the area where he was supposed to fell the trees.

The first day, the woodcutter brought down 15 trees.

"Congratulations," the boss said. "Carry on with your work!"

Highly motivated by the words of his boss, the woodcutter tried harder the next day, but he only could bring 10 trees down. The third day he tried even harder, but he was only able to bring down 7 trees. Day after day he was bringing lesser number of trees down.

"I must be losing my strength", the woodcutter thought. He went to the boss and apologized, saying that he could not understand what was going on.

"When was the last time you sharpened your axe?" the boss asked.

"Sharpen? I had no time to sharpen my axe. I have been very busy trying to cut trees..."

That’s right. Most of us NEVER update our skills. We think that whatever we have learned is very much enough. But good is not good when better is expected. Sharpening our skills from time to time is the key to success.

Hasteraho

Anil
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
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TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU!
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TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
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TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
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TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"
PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
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TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree,
but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish
him?"
PAPPU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
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PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
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TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !
PAPPU: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.
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TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
PAPPU: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his ?
PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !
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TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher

Muskurateraho

Anil
Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11 cr after deducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!
***
sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant: It"s already raining. Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.
***
Sardr gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this.
Srdr:"I've been promoted as branch manager."
***
A sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and Suffered huge Loss. Do u know what the business was? . . . . . He opened a Saloon in Punjab!.
***
Sardar tells a girl "Come 2 my house at night, nobody Will b there............. Girl goes at night & really nobody was there
***
Sardar: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train. Friend: Y? Sardar: Got upper berth. Friend: Y did'nt u Xchng ? Sardar: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchng in the lower Berth..
***
Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne Flag Dikhaya,
Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.
***
On a romantic date Sardar's girl friend asks him "Darling on our engangement will you give me a ring? He said "Ya, sure what's your phone number?
***
Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth.........WHY?
Because his doctor advised him "Today's dinner should be light".
***
A sardar went to a bank to open a S.B. A/C. After seeing the Form, he had gone to DELHI for filling up. U know why? Form says " FILL UP IN CAPITAL ".
***
Q: Why was Sardar writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.

Read on... : )

Anil

Teacher to Sardar " Where were U born?
Sardar : In Tiruvanantapuram.
Teacher : Spell it?
Sardar : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.

Santa : People consider me as a "GOD"
Banta : How do you know??
Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U have came again..

Sardar complained 2 Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my house.
Police : How the theif did not take TV???
Sardar : I was watching TV na....

Thought for the Day!!!
If you call your mother as MUM.. What will you call Mother's younger sis and elder sis?

Answer : MINIMUM & MAXIMUM

Tihar Jail ordered 999 Shirts and 1000 Pants for its inmates.
Tell why this odd combination?
Answer : Bcos SALMAN KHAN is coming !!!

When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?

Answer : On their Wedding !!

Whats the height of Intelligence?
Answer : A 99 year old Sardar going for HUTCH ka naya lifetime scheme ...

a good one !!

Anil
"Group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university lecturer. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the lecturer went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups:porcelain, plastic, glass, some plain looking and some expensive and exquisite, telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.



When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the lecturer said:"If you noticed, all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken up,leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the better cups and are eyeing each other's cups."


"Now, if Life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change." "Sometimes, by concentrating only on
the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it."

So folks, don't let the cups drive you...enjoy the coffee instead

The Suicide

Anil
Three Construction workers are working on the 20th floor of a tall building in Bombay. One is a Mallu, the second is a Bengali and the third is a Sardarji. Every day all the three meet in the lunch hall and have their lunch together One fine day -- the Mallu opened his lunch box and finds idlis in the box. He says " I am fed up of eating these idlis daily.

If I find idlis in the box tommorow, i will jump from the 20th floor and die".

Next the Bengali opens his lunch box and finds Fish in it and says If I find fish in my lunch box tommorow, I am going to jump from the 20th floor of this building and die"

Next the Sardarji opens his lunch box and finds Parathas in it and says"Mother promise, if I find parathas in my box
tommorow I am also going to jump from the 20th floor"

Next day the three friends meet in the lunch room for lunch. Mallu opens his lunch box and finds Idlis and promptly jumps from the 20th floor and dies. The Bengali opens his lunch box and finds fish in it and jumps from the 20th floor and dies. Sardarji opens his box and finds parathas and he also jumps from the 20th floor and dies.

In the combined funeral held for all the three friends by their colleagues, the Mallu's widow says "I did not know he hated idlis so much. If not I would have packed something else for his lunch" The Bengali's widow says "I did not know he hated fish so much. If not I would have packed something else for his lunch"

The sardarji's widow says "I do not understand what went wrong. My husband always prepared his own lunch!

Indians (in)famous for missed calls

Anil
NEW DELHI: The French turn off their mobiles during meals, the Chinese call and hang up after a few seconds while the Spanish are reluctant to use voicemail. But when it comes to Indians, it is the missed call they are most (in)famous for.

The Indian mobile user seems to have mastered the art of 'missed calls' - and actually to communicate without answering the calls!

While cellphone operators are reluctant to give the exact share of missed calls, according to industry estimates, it is somewhere around 20-25 per cent.

Writes Nick Gray in a moblog (mobile blog) - in India 'Missed Calls' were very popular, as a way to say "I'm thinking about you" or "Call me back." I would often hear someone say, "I'll send you a missed call when we get there - see you soon."

"Even though cellular tariffs are pretty low, people were ingeniously using 'Missed calls' for signalling and saving money. The call rates are already low but most users want to make it lower by resorting to missed calls," says V Kumar, a cellphone user, who on an average gets around 10-15 missed calls every day.



http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/1450522.cms

Smart Kid

Anil
A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks,But nothing happened.

Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50.When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, India, they decided to forward it to the Finance Minister of India as a joke.

The Finance Minister was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.20.
The Finance Minister thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy, and he did not want to spoil the kid.

The little boy was delighted with Rs.20, and decided to write a thank you note to God, which read:

"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through the Finance Minister in Delhi, and those monkeys deducted Rs.30 in taxes..."

Gud one !!

Anil
A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful
parrot.. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that
this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says
some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird
any way.
She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and
waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,
"New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought
"that's really not so bad."
When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said,
"New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh
about the situation considering how and where the parrot
had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Keith!"

Five cannibals

Anil
Five cannibals (Man eaters) get appointed as programmers in an IT company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees".The cannibals Promise not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our QA engineer has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals disown all knowledge of the missing developer. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the developer?".One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You FOOL! For four weeks we've been eating team leaders, managers, and project managers and no-one had noticed anything, and now YOU ate one QA engineer and it got noticed. So hereafter
please don't eat a person who is working.

Funny Quotes

Anil
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour.Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
-Albert Einstein

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
- Robert Frost

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
- Franklin P. Jones

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain
the success of those we don't like?
-Jean Cocturan

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.
- Jerry Seinfeld

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
- Darrin Weinberg

Life is pleasant.Death is peaceful.It's the transition that's troublesome.

Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.

Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.

It is not exactly cheating, I prefer to consider it creative problem solving.

Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop.

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. (superb)

Forgive your enemies but remember their names.(good1)

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Dont worry that the world ends today, its already tomorrow in Australia.(nice)
U learn in life when u lose

"Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them."
--Albert Einstein

Who said English is easy...

Anil
Who said English is easy? fill in these blanks with YES or NO.....

1._______________ i don't have a brain.
2._______________ I don't have any sense.
3. _______________ i am stupid.

must have guts to fill...
All the best ........

Rose Within

Anil

A certain man planted a rose and watered it faithfully and before it blossomed, he examined it.

He saw the bud that would soon blossom, but noticed thorns upon the stem and he thought, "How can any beautiful flower come from a plant burdened with so many sharp thorns? Saddened by this thought, he neglected to water the rose, and just before it was ready to bloom... it died.

So it is with many people. Within every soul there is a rose. The God-like qualities planted in us at birth, grow amid the thorns of our faults. Many of us look at ourselves and see only the thorns, the defects.

We despair, thinking that nothing good can possibly come from us. We neglect to water the good within us, and eventually it dies. We never realize our potential.

Some people do not see the rose within themselves; someone else must show it to them. One of the greatest gifts a person can possess is to be able to reach past the thorns of another, and find the rose within them.

This is one of the characteristics of love... to look at a person, know their true faults and accept that person into your life... all the while recognizing the nobility in their soul. Help others to realize they can overcome their faults. If we show them the rose within themselves, they will conquer their thorns. Only then will they blossom many times over.

Imp Information....

Anil
Hi friends,
Do you know chemical released by plastic water bottles can cause cancer (It is not the water that affects you but the chemical released from the Bottle)? How to avoid: Check the bottom of the bottle there should be a triangle sign and there will be a number on it. If the number is higher than or equal to 5 --› then this bottle is safe to use. Numbers under 5 will release the chemical. For most bottled water, the number is 1. Remember to check and stop reusing those bottles. Please pass on this information to your friends. I found the same information published on so many websites before forwarding the same to you all.

Deadly Puzzle...and even deadlier answers.....

Anil

Question: You are in a boat in the middle of a river. you have 2 cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette. you don't have anything else with you in the boat? How will you do it?

Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water. so the boat will become LIGHTER........using
this LIGHTER you can light the other cigarette

Another solution: You throw a cigarette up and catch it. Catches win Matches. Using the matches
that you win, you can light the cigarette

Another Solution: Take water in your hand and drop it drop by
drop...(TIP - TIP)
"TIP TIP barsa Pani.

Pani ne aag lagayee."
us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee.

Another solution.. u have 2 cig.. just look at one and tell other one " the former looks better"...
us cig ko jalan hogi aur wo jal jaayegi...

Another solution..

u have 2 cig.. just look at one and tell other one " the former looks better"... us cig ko jalan hogi aur wo jal jaayegi...

see you again

http://darpg-grievance.nic.in/ : Things have started moving in India!!

Anil
Can you imagine this happening in INDIA? Government of India has a online Grievance forum at

http://darpg-grievance.nic.in/ The government wants people to use this tool to highlight the problems they faced while dealing with Government officials or departments like Passport Office, Electricity board, BSNL/MTNL, Railways etc etc.

I know many people will say that these things don't work in India, but this actually works as one of our colleague in CSC found. The guy I'm talking about lives in Faridabad. Couple of months back, the Faridabad Municipal Corporation laid new roads in his area and the residents were
very happy about it. But 2 weeks later, BSNL dug up the newly laid roads to install new cables which annoyed all the residents including this
guy. But it was only this guy who used the above listed grievance forum to highlight his concern. And to his surprise, BSNL and Municipal Corporation of Faridabad was served a show cause notice and the guy received a copy of the notice in one week. Government has asked the MC
and BSNL about the goof up as its clear that both the government departments were not in sync at all.

So use this grievance forum and educate others who don't know about this facility. This way we can at least raise our concerns instead of just talking about the 'System' in India. PLEASE SPREAD THE MESSAGE!!

Wanna prove as Professional ,answer to the questions

Anil
1)How do you put an giraffe into the refrigerator in three steps?
???
Open the refrigerator put in the giraffe and close the door
This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way..

2)How do you put an elephant into the refrigerator?
wrong answer:Open the refrigerator,put the elephant and close the refrigerator
correct answer: Open the refrigerator,take out the giraffe,put the elephant and close the door
this tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions

3)The Lion king is hosting an animal conference .All the animals attend except one.Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant
The Elephant is in the refrigerator.

Remember?
           This tests your memory
         Ok,even if you did not
    you still have one more chance to showyour abilities

Question Number 4)
There is a river you must cross,But crocodiles inhabit it. How do you manage it?

Correct Answer:You swim across.Why?
All the Crocodiles are attending the Animal conference.
This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

Difference

Anil
Do you know the difference between fly and mosquito..
Here is the difference
Mosquito can fly but.....
fly can't mosquito^_^
Ravi,Suki,Pinak i know you people will eat "Kangu"
and shoulg have got "Avvakkkkk"..